Friday, October 29, 2010

Living the nightmare

Dear anu,

I am sorry for postponing the plan of the movie last week...I know that you are fed up of spending your day at the daycare and thus wish to spend a day out with your parents,,,but how can I explain you about my fear,,the fear of the sympathy portrayed on me by the cruel society...

It all started with a pain in the right breast.I guessed if it was the outcome of the stress of your approaching mid term exams...or the load of targets I had to accomplish at workplace...I simply ignored the pain..for health was always a second option for me.

later  cold cough and other illness started troubling me and the antibiotics suggested by Dr. Gupta did not work.
And then the abnormalities in my body lead me to consult a better doctor .
The tests that he suggested  had weird names that I had never heard of. His advice to avoid lifting heavy weight couldn't stop me from  lifting  your schoolbag everyday to school. Afterall how could I run from my responsibilities???

It was a dreadful Wednesday when I ran out of the doctors cabin...I was almost paralysed . I couldn't even scream to disturb the peaceful ambiance of the hospital. All that I could do was hold you father's hand helplessly .. I was helpless to accept the reality of the BREAST CANCER  that I was diagnosed with.

It was you filled in my thoughts. Blots of your innocence and love defeated  me . I knew  I had to win over this. I had to survive.

I believed that I was the luckiest woman in the world . The most pampered daughter , the most loved wife and the best mother.
But now unfortunately all that I possess are the sleepless nights..and tons of sympathy.Perhaps that is the reason why I hid it from rest of the society...

I am helpless to answer your questions. How can I explain you the sudden baldness over my head..???How can I explain you the clashing of dates of the parents meeting at your school and the chemotherapy treatment at the hospital????

now that i am free of this disease and doctor assures my healthy life....I am also free of my infected body  part...the most important part of a female .....ever since the operation...my right breast is now something that existed in past..

I fear your request for a baby brother for your mom is now helpless.

I wish I could lead the same life as before.....no more sympathies...no more medical advices...no more sleepless nights...

I want back the happiness of our family..I wish to lead a normal day of 10 hour  at workplace, two hours in the kitchen..and rest of the day with you....I don't want to be a target of sympathy anymore for I  have lived a nightmare for the past two years......

Hats off to the blogadda's campaign to combat cancer....when I read this article on blogadda the first thing that came to my mind was the story of my cousin who recently escaped the clutches of this dreadful disease.
Above is an excerpt of her fight with the disaster......through my viewpoint all that she wanted to tell to her daughter....the seven year old niece of mine.

Cancer has always been a nightmare to many people around me...Right from my classmate who died of blood cancer to two of my family friends diagnosed with breast cancer and stomach cancer....
 Looking forward for a better world...free from the clutches of this demon...................


  1. You have brought out the pain so well. So few understand trhat its not symapathy but moral support that one needs.
    Very good writing, all the best

  2. Hi, I agree, this is a demon that kills slowly and surely. As it is, we have so many demons in the world.. it would have been a better place without this thing called cancer.

  3. @bhagyareema:
    Thanks a ton....
    actually I have understood the pain of my cousin who had to go through the Difficulties...and indeed moral support does wonders...and sympathy makes it more worse.

    @Ramesh:Thanks yaar....

    @punam: yeah...lets hope for a better place without this demon.!!

  4. Very touching. I hope, and pray God, that your cousin get well and cured of this one soon.

  5. nice touching notes there .yes a lot of awareness is being created ,and i hope even india starts with more vigoros campaigning and include breast evaluation as a part of regular check up like how they do here.

  6. @Sg: thanks ...my cousin is fine now...all that she needs is to change the view how society look upon her..

    @raji: exactly...the number of breast cancer patients in india is simply increasing day by day,,,

  7. Hi Mumbai Madrasi,
    First time on your blog and I can agree with the post so much. It sure is a nightmare! Wish nobody has to deal with this.
    Loved your caricature. Reminds me of my days at school.

  8. Congrats on ur entry winning in lets combat cancer

  9. Thanks for ur visit; here is the link http://blog.blogadda.com/2010/10/22/lets-combat-cancer-contest-indian-bloggers