“Not again.”

And so I did not wish you on this mother’s day, it wasn't that I forgot   thanks to the numerous mothers’ day shares flooding my face book wall. It was only because I did not feel like wishing you this time.

Gone are the days of handmade greeting and surprise kisses, for it was different between us then.
 Some call it generation gap, you call it pride and difference, and I am yet to figure it out.

Even now, I do wake up to your voice, only the tone differs, and I end up crying “Not again.” 

Instead of the wishes and kisses, it’s all about complaints and worries.  Either it is the haircut that I chose and you disliked, pending clothes in the laundry or girl next door is good at house chores.

It begins with a shrewd “you are so irresponsible” and ends with a hesitant “why do you even bother”, exchange of rude faces and silent cries.

It’s not about the extra time spent in college or frequent outings with friend, it’s about the time we could not give to each other.

And then I tell you, I have grown up to take care of myself whereas you are busy checking if I have ironed the uniform or left the wallet in the case.

It’s about who can argue better and not about the apologies and care expected.

If it’s dove for me, it’s Pantene for you. If it’s star world for me, it’s Star Plus for you. If it’s socializing for me, it’s a mere waste of time for you.

It was always good mummy; it is still going fine, only if we spoke. Most of the days, it’s either a hunger strike for me or a speechless day for you. 

No wonder I have assigned special ringtone for you on my cell phone, while some of my friends mock it as the warning siren.

For I would not have wished you even today, if it was for the argument we had in the morning.

It wasn't about the yoga class you wanted me to join or the guitar class I chose, it was about the food I ignored at the table and left for college without informing you.

It was about the missing goodbye from you, and the way you rechecked me to confirm the time I would return from college

I could not resist that drop of tear, which came out of the unexpected silence in the train compartment and the suppressed feelings within me. 

 It was mother’s day a few days ago, and is your birthday few days later. Every time you irritated me, I cancelled and replanned your birthday gift.

And then I saw her, She wore a dirty red stained gown with  her face reflecting anger and despair,  
It was as fierce and disturbing for me as it was for the kid in her lap, Seated near the left door side, she sung old Marathi verses to beg for her living.

 But then it was very fine until I saw her pinch the little kid, hardly few months old. Soon the silence in the compartment was disturbed by the loud cry of the kid, with her begging in a pitier tone for the Kids hunger.  

For a moment, I was freezed; I saw ladies dropping coins for the kid, some even asking her to pacify the kid.

All I could remember was your worried face whenever I was in trouble, and then the warning siren woke me up

Your text message beeped on my phone.

“Don’t forget to text me when you reach college, give me a miscall if you need a recharge. Do not skip lunch. There are extra sandwiches in the Tiffin, and the guitar class begins on Monday”.

I could not smile nor call you back, but I felt very happy for I wasn’t deprived like the helpless Kid, Happy mother’s day Amma, Won’t be cancelling the birthday plans I got for you.

 You may not be the best mother in the world, but I am thankful you are ‘my’ mother

‘I am writing a Tribute to Mom in association with Parentous.com‘